Gaby Kozlowska
GB&I Guess what season it is. All the big brands are selling notepads with funky writing on them, flashy cases and pretty stationary, because if my pencil case is organised so will I right? I got two new seats of Post-It notes because, well, they cute? And 2 notebooks because they were on sale. But I don’t even need notepads. Welcomer back to school guys. The #Back2School is trending on twitter, my youtube recommended is all about top 10 tips for surviving the first day back, the instagram influencers and their giveaways are thriving and I’m stressed. But Gaby, aren’t you doing a placement year? Exactly, and that’s the problem. Or is it? The summer or august to be exact has been a wild ride on it’s own, consisting of multiple breakdowns, crying, celebrating going into my 20’s and lots of doubt. If there is one thing DPS has been talking about from the being is “send your emails as soon as possible”. And what did I do? Not send any. As soon as we finished uni, I went on holiday, so realistically I wasn’t going to be working about work or placements right? When I came back in July I wanted to start saving, so I picked up more shifts at work, making more iced lattes than I could physically do, so even on days off I was so tired I didn’t even go out. Before I knew it it was mid-summer and I haven’t even edited my portfolio yet. The worse came after, where I had to quite my job and go looking for another one. My head was not ready for such change and the next thing I know I’m in Brighton for a week to regenerate and actually get my head together. I came back better in August and now I only had a month to get things going, but the uplifting didn’t last long, when the first thing I see after longing onto instagram after a month is “interning at creative agency”, “2 weeks in agency.”, “... is so great so far” and “agency / UAL” all over my feed. It’s like everyone who I clicked on were abroad or working/interning somewhere - anywhere, and there was me. The doubts continued, and I saw how terrible my worked looked, and I couldn’t change it, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t feel motivated to do anything. So I didn’t. I have taken another few days off to clear my head and stop comparing myself to others and their experiences. I have gone to seek help again, to simply talk to someone who can tell me that it’s going to be ok and I will be fine. I felt horrible and likeI have failed myself, my friends, lecturers and I honestly felt embarrassed that I didn’t get so much done over the summer and it scared me that if I tell them I’m struggling they will tell me that well, it is my fault for simply being lazy over summer. Eventually, the summer ended, and now we here, it’s September and people are going back to their own grind, staring a new chapter so why can’t I do the same? At the moment I’ve decided to focus on the portfolio and making myself employable as well as work on some projects and well, being freelance! It’s something to keep me going and busy and so far, we going ok! *UPDATE* Freelance is harder than I thought.
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February 2023
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