I always had a weird relationship with failure. I knew that in order to get better I will need to make mistakes and bad decisions. Despite that, the idea of making mistakes or being rejected scared me to death. Let me share what I consider the biggest failure of my DPS year and how It tough me a lesson of appreciating failing.
When I started DPS among many goals I had for the upcoming year I wanted to do an internship abroad. I romanticized how great it must feel riding a bike to work by the canals of the great Netherland cities or how exhilarating the nigh-life must be in techno-driven clubs of Berlin. So, from the moment I finished my portfolio, I started applying for digital agencies abroad that were looking for UI/UX designers. In December I officially get a confirmation of a placement in a digital creative agency in Rotterdam. I am super excited and now I am planning my trip to Rotterdam, booking tickets, looking for a place to live. Fast forward to the end of January, I shove my life into one suitcase, say goodbye to my friends and leave for the airport. A week later, I am dragging my suitcase to the central station of Rotterdam and getting on a bus back to London. Yes, I am coming back to London for good. It feels surreal to believe that I just quit the internship and jeopardized all of my plans that I had for the rest of the DPS. I’m not going to get into why I quit but I will tell you how it felt and what I’ve learned from it. Let me say, that the first week after coming back I felt defeated and without any purpose left in life. I just quit an internship that I was looking forward to the last three months. It was my plan for the rest of the DPS to stay in the Netherlands. Honestly, I felt deeply ashamed and guilty. What am I suppose to say to all the people that were expecting me to do great? My parents? Tutors and everyone else? The only thing I can say looking back is that the only opinion that matters is yours. Believe me, all of your friends and family want the best for you and whatever you decide to do they will support you. Secondly, a week after coming back I decided that the mourning period is over and that I need to get out of the bed and move on. I started doing a side project and applying to other internships. Things were not moving as quickly as I wanted to but I decided to persevere. Soon enough I was doing freelance projects for a design agency, exploring new skills and investing more time in understanding what I want to do with the rest of the DPS. My point is that it is always hard to accept failure, things not going as you planned. But believe me, failing at something doesn’t mean you are worse. It means that you are a risk-taker and that you are one step closer to being a better version of yourself.
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March 2022
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